I was always afraid of the dark. Ever since I can remember.
Even my first memory is about being afraid of the dark. It still haunts me, my first memory-not wanting to go to sleep. I didn’t have words for my fear, but I knew what I was afraid of even when I was a three year old doomed girl.
There is something about it.
Waking up in the middle of the night in pitch dark and feeling as if I went blind is mind-numbing. As if someone kidnapped me and dropped me into a black hole and any second I will stop existing.
In the dark, I cannot help but wonder-is there something else in there with me too? Something that is approaching without me knowing. Something stalking closer, ever so slowly, as if trying to not make a sound. Hunting. And I am its prey.
Staring into the dark, like I do now, I dare that Something to attack! I will fight till my last breath! I won’t go down easy for you, Dark!
I can almost hear a mocking laughter drifting through the never ending darkness. Mocking my bravery, my fake bravery. As if both of us know that when that dark something attacks I will be already dead. Kaput.
Yet, I keep staring into the dark in the cave I am hiding. If I squint my eyes, I can see swirling shadows. Many dark Something just waiting to pounce.
I scream out! NO! As if the sound could wake me up from this nightmare. As if the darkness would dissipate from my defiant shout.
A shout that my throat is incapable of producing no matter how much I strain.
But I forget. There hasn’t been sunlight since that doomed day when all the big powers and their trigger happy fingers didn’t pause at the last second. When the world exploded. Millions died. Leaving millions more behind with a terrible slow-eating disease and utter darkness.
Darkness that might swallow me up tonight. Finally.